jealousy, rediscovery, and love.

I dont mind people judging me. They did that yesterday, they we're doing it today and they'll still be doing it tomorow. I cant please everyone and not everyone can please me. So why start caring?

These past few days have been good. Surprisingly, im getting along with my grandmother. Hahaha. We've put up our christmas decorations like the tree and all the evergreens and pretty lights. Gosh, i wish you could see it. Its not much but its enough. :)

A couple of days ago, i started sitting outside in the patio, thinking. I thought of how many things I took forgranted, like the breeze, the peacefulness of my house, thr gorgeous nature around me and the like. I realized that I lose sight of the smallest details which are usually the most important. I intended this trip to be a channel for rediscovery, i want to find myself again. I've been too busy being someone to everyone that I've lost touch of who I really am. I'm on the way back, I can feel it. A whole new and slightly improved me. And I've made a pact with myself to follow all my new year's resolutions, I haven't done them yet, but yeah. ;)

I'm blessed that at this point, lola isnt so uptight about relationships. I can actually talk to her about you freely. And have I mentioned than when we heard you play, she had this weird smile that I haven't seen before. She was happy. I'm not exactly sure why. But you earned 'brownie points' from that. :D Sometimes, even she starts talking about you, before, I wouldnt even dare say a boy's name in her presence. But with you its different, her face lights up when she hears your name. She told me one thing. A very important thing: 'I need my prayers. Now more than ever.' I do, actually. Without them, I dont know how we would have been possible. Every night, before i go to sleep. I pray ever so fervently, thanking Him for you and the happiness you bring me and to keep you safe while I'm away.

What other people think, it doesn't bother me. If its the backstabbing or the putting me down or the insults, it really doesn't matter. But i really wonder what benefit they get from all of that? Yeah, I'm not a saint, but I'm just asking.

Gosh, I've been thinking too much. Oh well. It doesn't really matter. I'm just thankful that i am able to talk to you almost everyday. It makes me feel okay about the distance, its almost like it doesn't affect us. It still does, just not so bad. :)

I terribly miss you.

B.

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